11 and his cape
by thisfangirlsnerdy
Summary: The 11th Doctor finds a cape. Amy (and maybe Rory, maybe River, who knows) go on adventures. I don't really know what will end up happening in this fanfic. Will contain self harm eventually. Be prepared. First fanfic ever so sorry if it's awful.
1. Chapter 1

~11 and his cape~

This is my first fanfic so please be easy on the judging, thanks

Chapter 1:

11 ran down the corridor, his laced up boots click clacking against the Tardis floor. His cape fanned out behind him,flapping in the wind. He took a sharp turn and, with a flying leap jumped into the console room. The see through glass paneled floor vibrated beneath him when he landed but only for a split second. Amy, who he now just realized had been standing there for his dramatic entranced,was trying to cover up her laugh with her hand but failed completely. She eventually gave up trying to hide it and started laughing out loud her entire body shook,and she slapped her knee a few times. Her beautiful reddish orangish hair got all in her face covering up her shocking brown eyes. After many,many long minuets she finally calmed down enough to get words out.

"Why...why do you have a cape on?"

"Because Amy, capes are cool! Just like bow-ties"

"Doctor, for the last time bow-ties are not cool,and neither are capes"

****Amy's Prov****

Amy almost started laughing again when The Doctor became at a loss for words, pointing his finger at her and trying to come up with a clever remark.

Not being able to come up with anything he just grumbled and spun around and started running around the console. Pushing buttons and pulling leavers. He was staring at the monitor when a thought forced itself into Amy's head,

Where did he find that cape, I've never seen it before...

"Hey Doctor"

"Yes Amelia?"

"I told you it's just Amy!"

"Okay okay,sheesh sorry, now what was your question?"

"Where'd you get the cape?"

His mouthed turned into a frown and his forehead wrinkled up, almost as if he was in deep thought. But it only last several seconds and then he was bouncing around the console with the deep red cape flowing behind him. Not until later did she realize that he had completely side stepped the question. But why would he do that?

First chapter done hope it didn't suck other chapters might be published a bit later. There will be other chapters.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

It had been 2 days sense The Doctor found his cape. Well really it isn't his cape but Rory's. Amy can't remember because Rory was wiped from time but he could remember, he had to, for Amy's sake. He still had no idea why Rory had a red cape but he saw it and had to try it on. He really missed Rory with his big nose, and it killed him inside when he would find Amy crying but never knowing why she was. He just wanted to force Rory back into existence, but he knew it wasn't possible. So he would just ran around in the cape until he could figure out a way to get Rory back. After a while of running he decided he would go and mess around under the Tardis's console. Maybe he'd find something that needs fixing, or improving. That would definitely take his mind of Rory.

****Amy's Prov****

Amy sat in the white,plush,springy, couch chair next to the console. She was watching The Doctor mess around with the Tardis, she's pretty sure he doesn't know she's there. Then the Doctor started throwing things angrily and kicking things, he stopped kicking things and instead started yanking at his hair he sank to the floor and started rocking, and sobbing. He definitely didn't know she was there. She didn't know what to do so she let him cry for a bit, but when it didn't sound like he'd be stopping any time soon she ran down to underneath the console and she hugged his sobbing form. She rubbed his back while he sobbed on her shoulder, she had no idea how long they did this for but eventually his sobs calmed, and his breathing slowed. When she whispered his name and he didn't answer, she decided that he was sleeping. She hauled the tall man into her arms, and carried him bridle style to her room where he could sleep peacefully.

Authors Note:

What will happen next? I hope you guys like it!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

The Doctor woke up surrounded in a beige comforter, with the sound of water across room. It took him a bit to realize what happened and where he was. Oh god she found me me crying, she's not supposed to find me. He was angry at himself for letting her see him be weak, he pinched his arm really hard and that's when he realized Amy standing there with a Tardis blue towel wrapped around her body,her hair looked darker then usual probably from the water. She just stood there staring at him for a bit and then she asked it, the question he was dreading to hear,

"Why were you crying?"

He didn't know how to answer, because one of my best friends,your fiancé, was erased from the universe because of me. Because I'm so angry at myself for being an idiot and getting everyone killed,that it makes me cry. Because I'm the loneliest man in the universe. Because the person you loved the most is dead and you can't remember him. Because, because of me you'll cry for hours at night and won't know why. That's why Amelia Pond that's why.

"Ummm I don't know, Amy"

He got out of her bed and turned to leave when he felt Amy's hand grip his shoulder,tight.

"Doctor!"

She growled, he knew that she knew he was lying. He gently grabbed her hand of his shoulder and held it in both of his.

"Don't worry pond"

Then he kissed her hand hand and walked out the door. Leaving Amy standing alone in her room, with the bathroom light on and the comforter a mess.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

They had just gotten back from Amy and Rory's wedding. Everything was great! They saved the universe, they got Rory who was a Roman for a while, and the Ponds were married now. 11 still wore Rory's red cape but it was ok because Rory had a Roman cape now. The Doctor was happy for the first time in months! Or was it weeks? Who knows its all wibbly wobbly, timey whimey. All he knew is that everything was right again. Except he still feels sad,but why,somethings missing.

****Amy's Prov****

Amy was so happy to have Rory back,and to be married to him. They talked about what they both did when they were separated. Amy told Rory about how sad the Doctor was when Rory was gone, and about how he had on many occasions seemed to not care that much about anything execpt keeping Amy safe. Rory seemed to frown for a second and then he seemed happy again he leaned over Amy and kissed her passionately she loved him so much! She grabbed the comforter and pulled it over them. It was going to be a long night.

****11's Prov****

He could hear their moans from the console room,he couldn't stand it. He picked up his sonic and his book and walked to his room. He walked down the hall, took a left turn then a right, and there it was the big thick Tardis blue ancient wood door. He grabbed the door knob and pushed in, he walked through the door and threw his stuff on his desk which was under his emperor sized loft bed. He pulled off his tweed jacket and boots and threw them on the floor,next came his suspenders,socks and trousers. He pulled off his bow-tie and put it in a special box,then he tugged his shirt over is head, lastly he untied the cape from around his neck and placed it on the floor. He went to his closet and pulled out a matching set of pajamas. They were dark blue and had yellow stars all over them. He pulled the long sleeve button up pajama top over his head, and pulled the matching bottoms on. Them he jumped onto the plushy, spinny desk chair. He pulled out his journal, not the one he and River have but his own personal one that he's had sense is 4th generation. He flipped through the pages, cybermen,daleks,gallifrey,Susan,Barbra,Ian, skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip,Rose,Martha,Donna,Amy,Rory,River. Everything and everyone that he's ever traveled with,or has saved his life are in here. The journals bigger on the inside. He then began to draw and write, and cry. Eventually he grew tired and climbed the ladder to his bed and fell asleep against the Tardis blue sheets and the Tardis blue comforter with maroon bow-ties designed all over it, (the Tardis find it for him) then he just layed there in the dark silently crying to himself.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

11 walked down the long corridor, his hands in his pockets,deep in thought. So deep in thought that he didn't even notice when he walked right into one of the old console rooms, 10's to be exact. He walked around the console,letting his hand glide along it, feeling the old dents and scratches on the metal. He sighed deeply that's when he saw it, Roses Union Jack t-shirt.

But how did that get here? The Tardis probably put it here but why? He picked up and smelled it. It still very faintly smelled of Rose, probably only a TimeLord could smell it, but why would the Tardis do that?

"Who's is that?"

Amy, what is she doing here

"Oh it's just...a friends, yup a friends,just a friends..."

"Oh ok Doctor, um what might be this "friends" name?"

"Oh um her name was Rose,Rose Tyler"

He looked down at the shirt in his hands when he said it,and just one lonely tear fell from his eye.

"Was?"

"Yes Amy,was,she's gone now just like the rest of them!"

he didn't mean to snap at her it's just the way it came out.

"Oh...sorry"

She turned and left almost running,when she got to the door she turned around and looked back at him, tears in her eyes. But he was facing the other way he couldn't stand to have her see him cry again. Then she left him in the old console room,he just stood there his body shaking with sobs. Clenching the t-shirt in his left hand, he used his right arm to dry his face. Then he stuffed the shirt in one of his pockets, which are bigger on the inside, and walked towards the main console room. Where he found Amy and Rory kissing,he pulled some levers and pushed some buttons then shouted.

"Where should we go! Oh we could go to The Blazing Planet of Salacreedios, for the Ceremony of the Suns! how about that,yeah we'll go there"

He looked at the Ponds waiting for them to comment but all he got was them kissing each other some more. He gave up and just sent them hurtling through time and space, towards the Planet of Salacreedios.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Amy and Rory were off wondering the Tardis, so this left the Doctor to do what ever he wanted for the day. He had started with fixing up the Tardis in his swing chair but soon he got bored and then the thoughts came to him, the mean thoughts. He started to get them a lot when he was alone, they would say things like,worthless TimeLord just die like the rest of them or no one likes you they just pretend to. He try's to ignore them but some days he can't help but believe them, and today was one of those days. After about an hour of trying to ignore the thoughts he ran to his room,and then ran into the bathroom, his own private bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, he looked gaunt, but that's probably because he hasn't eaten for several days. The last time he ate was the day before the thoughts started. He looked back in the mirror, ugly,fat idiot,why do you have to be so pathetic. He opened up the mirror which was the front of the medicine cabinet and grabbed his razor. He picked it up and cried as the thoughts raced through his head. Do it DO IT they won't miss you when your gone do it you know you deserve the pain just DO IT. He sliced though the skin on his wrist, he made 5 evenly spaced out horizontal lines. Almost immediately he felt relived. The blood boiled up from out of the cuts, he was mesmerized by the deep crimson.

He stared at his arm as the blood dripped and dripped into the sink,he started to feel light headed. He grabbed half of the box of tissues and pushed them down on his fore arm. After going through the entire box of tissues the cuts stopped bleeding. He threw his bloody tissues in the trash and peeled his crimson shirt of his body. He washed his blade off,putting it back in the med cabinet and then washed the sink. He made sure there was no evidence of the event, then after everything was perfectly clean he left. He slowly walked back to the console room,still feeling light headed, to find the Ponds sitting in the console room soaking wet.

"What happened to you too?"

"Well Doctor, we found your weather room, it gave us one hell of a storm,oye why are you so pale!?"

Like they really care, no matter what he did the dark thoughts wouldn't go away...

"Of um just feeling a bit under the weather"

"Oh haha your so funny Raggedy Man"

The Doctor and Amy were both surprised when Rory took a step towards the Doctor and said.

"Do you want me to check you out?,I mean I am a nurse"

Amy rolled her eyes and the Doctor just shrank back from both of his companions.

"Um no I'm good if you'll excuse me,good night Ponds!"

The Doctor tried to keep calm as he sprinted as far away from Rory as he could get. The Doctor could sense that Rory didn't believe him.

****Rory's Prov****

When the Doctor strolled in he startled both Amy and I. We were both soaking from the insane tropical storm we had been caught in when we were hanging out in the weather room. It had been bright and sunny one second and then down pouring, and thundering the next. We practically sprinted back to the console room., we had only just got back when the Doctor strolled in looking very pale. My nurse instincts went off the second he said he was feeling

"Under the weather"

I took a step toward him and said

"Do you want me to check you out?,I mean I am a nurse"

He looked frightened when I said this and that raised a red flag.

"Um no I'm good if you'll excuse me,good night Ponds!"

Then his response was another hint that something was wrong. When he practically sprinted out of the room I was positive there was something going on. I turned to Amy with a concern look on my face and she just shrugged, then headed off towards our room. I was going to keep close eye on the TimeLord.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

It had been 4 days sense the first time he made those first cuts on his arm,they were almost all healed up. But now he has more, he has at least 10 on his left arm and about 3 on his right. Rory had started to watch him a little more carefully since that first night. So he's had to be very careful to not have to be in situations that would include rolling up his sleeves. He didn't want to worry the Ponds. He thought a lot about Rose,Martha,Donna, Jack and all of the rest of the people that he's let down. Especially when he's cutting into himself,he thinks about all the people that have died because of him, and he thinks about all the lives he's ruined. The dark thoughts come more often but now he resolves his problems with the self inflicted pain. He try's not to look sad in front of the Ponds he puts on a goofy, kiddish, happy act just for them,but sometimes it's hard. The second there out of sight his toothy smile turns into a sad frown and his childish,gleeful eyes turn tired,old, and sorrow filled. He looks as if someone had murdered,and taken almost everything that he's ever cared about. Wait a minute someone had, he had the Ponds and the Tardis,and that's about it. He's a lonely,tired,old,madman with a box. That's all he's ever been. He walked towards his room needing the pain from his beloved blade,to send him, and his evil thoughts away.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Rory had been watching the Doctor closely for about a week now and he knew that something was wrong. He hadn't seen him eat anything sense last week and he hadn't rolled up his sleeves once. Which was rather unusual considering that he always rolled up his sleeves.

Also right after they got back from rescuing planets and races from demise, Rory wouldn't see the Doctor for hours on end. Even Amy started to notice how uncomfortable he had started to get around them, she was almost as concerned as he was. They had tried asking him if something was wrong or if he wasn't telling them something important. But he would dodge the question by pretending that he didn't hear them or by pretending that he was very busy. But eventually both ponds knew he was hiding something from them so they started following him around. Just a little at first but they then started completely stalking him. They would walk far enough away so that he didn't notice that they were following him, but close enough so that they could see and hear what he was doing. They never realized how much he talked to himself, he was always mumbling to himself. They couldn't really understand what he was saying,Amy leaned over and whispered to Rory.

"Is he having a conversation with himself...about himself?"

Amy had always had better hearing than him.

"I don't know Amy you tell me,I can't hear anything except jibberish."

He hadn't meant to growl at her when he said it.

Amy took a slight step back and gave him a menacing stare.

"Stop being an idiot... "

She said that just to spite him but he let it go and jotted a mental note to bring it up later. They stopped glaring at each other long enough to realize that the Doctor had taken a turn left. They both turned into the hall way and looked around, the Doctor was no where's to be seen.

"Looks like we lost him,better-"

"Lost who?"

That's when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Spinning around to answer.

"Oh um nothing Doctor we were just um-"

Amy elbowed Rory in the stomach indicating that she needed help coming up with an excuse.

"We were um,ummmm-"

They both glanced at the Doctor who was now drumming his fingers on his arm, awaiting an answer. Finally something in his mind clicked and he answered for them.

"You were following me,weren't you Ponds?"

He said with a frown.

"Um no not following,that's not the term that I would use, what do you say Rory?"

Amy was trying to get him to say something so he did, but it wasn't what she wanted him to say.

"Yes Doctor we are following you, do you know why we are?"

The Doctor stared at him blankly, then waved his hands willing Rory to go on.

"We're following you because we know your keeping something from us and we want to know what it is"

He looked at Amy and I again , you could almost see the wheels in his head turning,and clanking together. But all he said was,a short,

"Don't worry Ponds, everything is just fine."

But we all knew it wasn't. He turned and stalked away quickly, his long legs disappearing behind another corner. His black lace up boots click clacking away,echoing down the hall.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

11 turned down the final hall way before he reached his bedroom door. Still frowning from the encounter with the Ponds, was it really that obvious that there was something wrong? He'd have to spy and figure out what they know, but all in good time. He walked into his bedroom, heading straight for his bathroom. Reaching behind the mirror to grab his razor with his left hand and raising his left sleeve with his right. He gazed down at his fore arm to see all of the marks on his skin. Some were blistering,some were healing,and some were scarred over. He grabbed the razor and found a clear spot on his arm, he started slashing away with each dark thought that went through his head. Ugly,fat,idiot,coward,loser... The list went on making him slash deeper. He didn't know when he had started but he just realized that he had been crying letting out long agonizing moans and screams. He kept cutting and hacking away at his arm. He finally stopped when his vision started to get black on the edges, he bent over the sink and rinsed off his arm, puking in the sink along the way. He went and changed his blood stained clothes into nice clean clothes. Then he went to the central control room,he flicked a few levers and pushed a few buttons and then,thwack! His head was hitting the console room floor. The last thing he sees was himself lying in his own blood and the Ponds rushing towards him.

His eyes close but he faintly hears Rory yelling at him to stay with him. But he's to far gone.

Authors note: Cliff hanger your welcome! He MIGHT not be dead but who knows!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Only a few hours ago the Ponds walked in on the Doctor passed out on the floor, covered in his own blood. Rory was mortified by what he saw, he sprinted to the ancient but young man. He lifted him up bridal style and carried him to the med bay, with Amy not far plugged the Doctor into the life support system and stuck an IV in his arm left arm,that's when he saw it. There were about 20 horizontal red bleeding cuts on the inside of his arm. The majority of them were bleeding, that's what made him faint. He ran to the other side of the medical bed and rolled up his eight sleeve. Again about 20 red,bleeding horizontal lines on his arm. He couldn't believe it. He heard Amy gasp and then hold back a sob and or a scream, from somewhere to his left. She looked up at him her face drained of color and with her lips quivering she said.

" why would...why would he ever do that to him...himself?"

"because...because...who knows Amy? I have no idea but when he comes too were going to have a serious discussion."

He continued to go about his work, hooking up a blood transfusion,getting medicine,putting padded restraints on the Doctor's arms and legs. About 22 hours later, approximately, the Doctor was starting to come too.

He pulled and tugged at the padded restraints. He was having a panic and anxiety attack all at once, he kept thrashing in the bed while hyperventilating. He didn't calm down until he saw Amy and Rory race into the med bay.

Amy soothed his hair out of his face, he gulped and took in the scene. His eyes wondering from thing to thing until it landed on his arms, then he started having a panic and anxiety attack all over again. Eventually Rory found a sedate, he injected the Doctor with it. He slowly calmed down, but his eyes still flickered between the both of them.

He looked so tiny against the bed and Rory couldn't help but think of him as a small child. Slowly he began to ask the injured man.

"Doctor.."

"Ye...yes...Rory?"

"Umm...just...why?"

He said the last word exasperation.

"Well Pond, that's a story for a mother time"

He tried to bop Rory's nose with his hand but he was restricted due to the restraints.

"Seriously Ponds I'm fine. We don't really need the restraints due we?"

"Yes Doctor we do" said Amy piping up "it says so in Rory's nurse book, any and all depressed patience's must be restrained until cleared fit, and you Doctor are far from fit."

At the mention of him being depressed the Doctors fave fell.

"You were never supposed to know, Amelia Pond, the girl with the fairy tale name, the girl who waited. You were never supposed to know.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

He laid there,strapped down to the table, trying to do anything but look at the ponds. Eventually he lost the battle inside himself and quickly glanced at them, then he was caught.

"What!?" He couldn't stand them silently judging him.

"What is it! Tell me"

"It's . . " Amy said it slowly, as if he was a 5 year old and couldn't handle it any faster. He turned away and didn't say or look at them until Rory grabbed his face and forced him to look at them.

"Why Doctor, why, just makes us understand, why?"

"Why what Rory,why what?"

"Why,why would you hurt yourself this way?" He said this while motioning to the Doctors wrapped up arms.

"Because ,I... I deserve it" he bowed his head in defeat. Rory let go of his face and backed away slowly,not being able to comprehend what he was saying.

"Why would you ever say that!?" Amy thrusted herself into his line of vision.

"Raggedy Man you've said a lot of idiotic things in the time I've known you but that was the most idiotic thing I've ever heard!" Amy had tears running down her face now. She backed away and ran crying, out of the med bay. Rory turned to him with a somber look on his face,then turned away and chased after Amy. Leaving the Doctor alone with his thoughts,the good and the bad. He laid there for along time eventually drifting off into sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

He dreamt of the day in torch wood tower when he lost Rose. How he stood against that wall,with tears streaming down his face. Then he dreamt of Donna and how he had to erase her memories of him. He just kept dreaming of all of the people he lost. He couldn't stop it, the dream just kept going. Until he realized it wasn't a dream it was a nightmare. He woke up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down his face. He tried to wipe them away but then remembered he was restrained. He laid his head back down on the pillow and closed his eyes tightly. That's when he felt a hand brush the tears away for him. He slowly opened his eyes, River Song stood there her eyes red and puffy from crying.

"Hello sweetie," she said it with fake happiness. "I heard you weren't feeling well. So I thought I would stop by."

"Well thanks for stopping by River, but I'm perfectly fine. Amy and Rory are just over reacting,"

"I don't think they are sweetie." She leaned down and kissed his hands. Then very lightly she traced each and every scar, and cut on his arm. The Doctor cringed against the gesture, trying to disappear into the blankets. He tried to pull away but she held his arm still (with the help of the restraints) and continued tracing the marks.

When she was done with his left arm she kissed it and then walked around the bed to his right arm. Then traced all of the cuts on that arm, again he cringed and struggled against her and again he failed. When she was done she kissed his arm then she stepped away from him. She walked out of the med bay and then came back minutes later with the ponds. He looked questioningly at them. Amy stepped forward and started talking to him, for some strange reason he actually looked at her.

"We called River down to help because you actually listen to her and she promised that she could calm you down. We think she kept her promise sense your not panicking and your actually looking at us." He hadn't even noticed but he did feel calmer. This time Rory was the one that talked to him.

"Okay so now we can get to work."

"Get to work on what?" He didn't know what Rory was talking about.

"We're going to make you feel happy again and break you out of depression." Rory smiled when he said this, but the Doctor just frowned.

"How are you going to do that exactly. " he said this with a growl through his clenched teeth.

"I mean what do you know about how I'm feeling!" He was suddenly bursting with anger, he wanted to chop off Rory's head.

"How are you going to make me happy! You don't even know what I'm going through! You don't know about all the people... My friends! That have died because of me! you just don't get it! So how are you going to help me!?"

He thought he was going to explode. They just didn't understand. He turned his head away, he couldn't even look at them. His blood was boiling, he saw red, but he didn't know why. He heard the pattering of their footsteps as they left the med bay. He was alone,again.


End file.
